why don't we all
have lunch on the terrace?

Well, actually, I promised hal
we'd hang out together this afternoon.

Oh, no problem.
I've got plenty to do.

I'm working on a new label design,
Nicky, featuring Y-O-U.

You're gonna love it.
See you for dinner, darling.

- Bye, hal.
- Bye.

The first change I make is to send
that two-faced little brat...

off to boarding school
in Timbuktu.

Ooh. Ice Woman!

And proud of it, babe.

[Laughs]
Come on, Dad.

[Nick]
Okay. Okay. You win.

Pull up.
Give that horse a rest.

Whoa, Sprout.

- [Horse Whinnies]
- So, honey, are you excited
about our camping trip?

- What camping trip?
- What camping trip?

The one
we take every summer...

before you go back
to school.

Oh. Oh. That camping trip.
Yeah. Sure. I can't wait.

So, uh, hal.
[Clears Throat]

What do you think
of Meredith?

As what, Dad?

Your... Your publicist,
your friend, your...

No. Just what do you think
of her as a person?

Oh. She's cute.

She has nice hair,
good teeth.

She can spell
the word "you."

Honestly, Dad, the woman is
a complete stranger to me.

Why do you
want my opinion, anyway?

Well, I'll tell
you why, hal.

- Because, believe it or not...
- Race you back to the ranch, Dad.

- H-hal.
- [Whinnies]

Hal, I'm trying
to tell you something.

Hey!
Slow down.

[Breathing heavily]

I'm in so over my head, here.
I-I can't handle this.

I-I just can't.
I'm only one kid.

- [Gasps]
- You got something you want
to share with the class, there, hal?

Chessy, you...
you gave me a fright.

I gave you
a fright?

You scared me. I didn't know
you were like... like in here.

Are you sure there isn't anything
you want to talk to me about?

Like, why Sammy never comes
near you anymore.

Or why your
appetite's changed.

Or why, all of a sudden,
you're neat as a pin...

and using expressions like,
"You gave me a fright."

Chessy, I... changed a lot
over the summer, that's all.

Okay.

Boy, if I didn't know any better,
I'd say it's almost like you were...

Forget it.
It's impossible.

Almost as if
I were who, Chessy?

Nobody. Nobody.
Forget I mentioned it.

Almost as if
I were... Annie?

You know
about Annie?

I am Annie.

- [Gasps] Oh.
- [Nick] hal.

Hal, why did you
take off on me like that?

I told you I wanted
to talk to you about something.

[Smacks Lips]

Chessy, why are you
looking at her like that?

Like what?

[Scoffs]
I'm not looking at her any special way.

I'm looking at her
like I've looked at her for 11 years.

Since the day she came home
from the hospital...

Six pounds, 11 ounces,
21 inches long...

This is how
I look at her.

[Sobs]
Can I hug her?

Oh, she's so beautiful...
[Laughs]

And so big.

[Sniffs] I'm gonna make you
something special to eat.

What would you like?
Anything? You know what?

It doesn't matter. I'm just gonna
go whip up everything we've got.

Okay? Okay.

Hal, come here.
Now, we have to talk.

- Okay. Shoot.
- Okay.

Honey...

I wanna know what you think
about making Meredith...

part of the family.

- Part of our family?
- Yeah.

- I think it's an awesome idea. Inspired.
- Yeah? You do?

- Brilliant. Really.
- Really? You do?

Totally. I mean, like it's a dream come
true. I've always wanted a big sister.

Oh.
[Chuckles]

Um. Honey, I think
you're kinda missin' the point.

No, I'm not.
You're going to adopt Meredith.

That is so sweet, Dad.

No, I'm not going
to adopt her.

I'm... going
to marry her.

Marry her!
That's insane!

How can you marry a woman
young enough to be my big sister?

- [Speaking French]
- Hal. Hal. Hal, calm down.

Hal.

Are you speaking French?

I-I learned it
at camp.

Okay.
I'm-I'm sorry.

Let-Let's discuss this calmly...
calmly and rationally.

- Yeah, and in English,
if you don't mind. All right?
- Okay.

Sweetheart, what
has gotten into you?

Nothing. Nothing.
Just... just...

Dad, you can't
get married.

It'll totally ruin
completely everything.

- [Groans]
- Hal. Hal.

Hallie.

Don't look at me.
I don't know a thing.

- [Groans]
- [Horn honks]

** [Rap On Car Stereo,
Indistinct]

** [Stops]

[Whispering]
She thought I was going to adopt her?

- Hi, doll.
- Hi.

Oh, you look
stressed, baby.

- How about a martini?
- How about a double?

Coming right up.

Chessy.

Don't you love it? It's just what
we need. It's such a big house.

Chessy!

You rang?

Two martinis, please.
And make Mr. Parker's a double.

Chess, please.
I'm getting a migraine.

[Clears Throat]
Mm-hmm.

I told hallie.

You did?
And?

She went ballistic.
She started yelling in French.

I didn't even know
she spoke French.

I don't know what's
gotten into her.

Oh, Nicky. This reaction
is totally classic.

It's "Daddy's getting
Remarried 101."

I'd be worried
if she didn't act this way.

Look. Why don't I
go talk to her?

You know,
woman to woman.

I-I think she's a little
sensitive about you right now.

That's why
I need to do it.

We've got to break
the ice sometime.

Wear your shirt
like this.

I like it when I can see
a little chest hair.

Hm.

Knock, knock.
Can I join you?

Sure.

Guess the news
of the engagement...

- came as a bit of a shock, huh?
- Basically.

You know, I remember
what it was like to be 11.

I had my first beau at 11.
It's a wonderful age.

You're just starting
to feel like a woman...

and, believe it or not,
soon, you'll understand...

what it's like
to be in love.

Me?
I don't think so.

I don't even have
my 12-year-old molars yet.

Oh, well.
Take it from someone...

who got their molars
very early in life...

being in love is
a fantastic mystery...

that takes a man
and a woman...

I don't mean to be jerky when you're
trying to be all mushy and everything...

but I know what mystery
my dad sees in you.

You do?

You're young
and beautiful and sexy.

And, hey.
The guy's only human.

But, if you ask me,
marriage is supposed to be...

based on something more
than just sex, right?

Boy.

Your father
underestimates you.

But you won't,
will you, Meredith?

Being young and beautiful
is not a crime, you know.

And for your 411,
I adore your father.

He's exactly the kind of man
I always planned on marrying.

This is
the real deal, honey...

and nothing you do
is going to come between us.

Hate to break
it to you, angel...

but you are no longer
the only girl in Nick Parker's life.

- Get over it.
- If this is the real deal...

then my dad's money...

has nothing to do with you
wanting to marry him, right?

Okay, puss. You listen,
and you listen good.

I am marrying your father in two weeks,
whether you like it or not.

So I suggest you do not
tangle with me anymore.

You are in way over your head.
Is that clear?

Crystal.

- [Laughter, Indistinct]
- [Grandfather]
Martin, a refill, please.

[Mom] You must have grown
three inches, I swear...

- in six weeks.
- [Laughs]

- Lovely choice of wine,
by the way, Martin.
- Thank you, sir.

- May I have a sip?
- [Smacks Lips]

I don't think
you're gonna like it.

[Smacks Lips]

Well, if you ask me, the bouQuet
is a little too robust for a merlot...

but, then again, I'm partial to
the softer California grape.

[Laughs]

[Laughs] She learned about wine
at this summer camp?

[Mom]
She must have.

- [Screams]
- [Crashes]

- [Grandfather gasps]
- Darling, are you all right?

I had one sip too many,
I guess.

You know, Mother, I feel like
I could use a bit of fresh air.

W-Would it be okay
if I stepped outside for a moment?

Are-Are you okay?
Would you like me to go with you?

Oh, no, no, no. I'll be fine.
Just got a touch wooZy, that's all.

[Moans]

WooZy, huh?

[Breathing heavily]

[Exhales] Um, yes, I'd like to place
a collect call to America, please.

- [Ringing]
- Hello.

- What's up?
- Hal, I'm desperate.

- Dad's getting married.
- What do you mean, getting married?

I mean black tie, white gown...
the whole enchilada.

- What?
- The wedding's in two weeks.

So, if there's any hope of getting
Mom and Dad back together...

we've got to do it fast,
and I mean really fast.

Okay. So, Mom and I are going out
to the theater tonight.

I'll-I'll drop the bomb on her
first thing in the morning.

Okay. Thanks.

- And, hallie, hurry!
- Okay, I will.

[Bell Dinging]

Oh, excuse me, sir.

- Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh.
[Chuckles] Yes.

Now, what say you and I
take a little stroll...

in the park,
eh, young lady?

- Okay. Um.
- [Whispers] Now...

- Come on. What's this all about?
- Well, it's a long story.

Well, it's a very big park,
and we've got plenty of time, you know.

Well, first of all...

[Mom Speaking
French]

[Sighs]

[French Continues]

Just do it, sweet pea.

Darling, come in.
I just have to finish this sketch...

and FedEx it
off to Paris.

And then, how about
you and I go out to lunch...

and spend the rest of the day
getting lost in harrod's, huh?

I can't, Mother.

Sorry. I-I have to go out
of town today.

Oh, you have
to go out of town?

And where, may I ask,
are you going?

- Annie. Annie. [Laughs]
- [Muffled] That's where I have to go.

- I have to go see Annie.
- I see. And where might Annie be?

In Napa with her father,
Nick Parker.

[Gasps]

You're not Annie?

That would be correct.

You're hallie?

I am.

Annie and I
met at the camp...

and-and we decided
to switch places.

I'm sorry,
but I've never seen you...

and-and I dreamt of meeting you
my whole life.

And Annie felt the exact same way
about Dad, so...

so, we sorta
just switched lives.

I hope you're
not mad...

because I love you so much,
and I just hope that one day...

you could love me as me
and not as Annie.

Oh, darling.

I've loved you
your whole life.

[Kissing Sound]

[Martin Sobbing]

I've never been so happy
in my entire life.

[Crying]

So, l... I guess you have
to switch us back now, huh?

[Sniffs]

Well, technically,
you belong to your dad...

and Annie belongs to me.

His-and-hers kids.

No offense, Mom,
but this arrangement really sucks.

I agree,
it totally sucks.

Then, I say we fly to Napa,
see Annie and Dad...

and work this
whole thing out.

And I say
you're right.

Not to worry, darling.
I'll take care of everything.

You're not to worry.
Okay?

I'm sorry.
I can't handle this.

I mean, I haven't seen or heard
from Nick Parker in over 11 years...

and suddenly I'm flying
halfway across the world to...

[Inhales]
I'm not mature enough for this.

If the man didn't make me so nuts,
I'd still be married to him.

I mean, we came up with this
arrangement so that we'd never
have to see each other again.

I mean, look at me, Martin.
Have you ever seen me like this?

- We... l...
- Don't answer that.

I mean, what if he doesn't
recogniZe me?

No, don't answer that,
either.

So, hallie said
he was a... a hunk?

He was rather dishy.

He had a smile that made me go weak
at the knees, if you can imagine that.

- Okay, I'm all set, Mom.
- Great. Me too. Almost.

Mom, your-your suitcase
is like totally empty.

Oh, right.
Sorry.

Um, did you speak
to your father, dear?

Um, yeah. Yeah. I just hung up
with him, actually.

He said he's really anxious
to see you.

Anxious-nervous, like he's totally,
completely dreading it?

- Or anxious-excited, like he's
looking forward to it?
- Anxious-excited, definitely.

- Oh.
- He said he'll meet us
tomorrow at noon...

at the Stafford hotel
in San Francisco.

My, my, my. That's incredibly soon.
Isn't it?

Well, um, why don't you run downstairs
and... and gather up our tickets...

- from your grandfather
while I finish up here.
- Okay.

[Whispering]
Liar, liar. Pants on fire.

- Shh!
- Oh, Martin.
I have a really ridiculous...

somewhat childish reQuest
to make.

Martin, you know that
you're more than a butler to me.

You're more like a lovable
brother who just happens
to wait on us, and, anyway...

- I was wondering if...
- I would accompany you on the trip?

- Make it a bit easier for you?
- Would you, Martin? Thank you so much.

I'd be so grateful and you don't
even have to come as our butler.

- Just as a friend.
- Madam, I'd be honored.

And may I say... as a friend...
if I were seeing my ex...

after 11 years
and I had your legs...

I'd wear
this little baby.

You'll kill in it!

- Bye, darling.
- Wish me luck.

Good luck.

- Bye, Pop.
- Bye, hal.

So you're coming to Napa
for Thanksgiving. Right?

I wouldn't miss it
for the world.

- [Car Engine Starting]
- Bye.

- Oh, and say hello
to your father for me.
- I will.

[Sighs]

Airport, please.

Okay. They'll be here
any minute.

Now, be nice, Daddy.
He's everything you ever wanted...

for your little girl,
plus millions more.

Then you know
I'll be nice.

[All Laughing]

- [Meredith] Oh! Okay. There he is...
- [Sammy Barking]

With the whole
motley crew.

- Hi, darling.
- Hi.

Hallie, Chessy
and Sammy!

What in the world
are you doing here?

Honey, a dog
at the Stafford?

- Hal begged me to bring him.
- Oh, you're such a softy.

- Oh!
- Good doggy.

So, Meredith.
These the folks?

Yes. Mom, Dad.
You finally meet.

This is my fiancE and the love
of my life, Nicholas Parker.

Hello, Nicholas.
I'm so pleased to meet you.

- I'm vicki.
- Hi.

And this is Nick's
adorable daughter, hallie.

This entire prenuptial get together
was her idea, I'll have you know.

How are you, young lady?
We've heard nothing...

- but wonderful things about you.
- Hello, pet.

You may call me
Aunt vicki.

- Other end, madam.
- Oops!

- Yopes!
- That was a great flight. Wasn't it?

- I mean, it was so Quick.
- I've never seen you Quite
so thirsty before, madam.

Well, would you believe,
Martin darling, I've never
tasted vodka before this trip.

You could have
fooled me, ma'am.

[EliZabeth]
Come on. Let's rock and roll.

I am in such
major trouble here.

If the hotel can do it, I think
that room is perfect for the wedding.

Not too big.
Not too cramped. And not that...

I don't like the idea of having
the wedding at the house...

- it's just that this could be amaZing.
- [Annie] Sammy!

So, I've already checked us in.
Why don't we go upstairs...

- freshen up
and then rendeZvous for lunch?
- Great!

- Meet you in the bar in ten. Okay?
- Oh! Perf.

Sweetheart,
now that we're here...

why don't we go check out
the honeymoon suite?

I bet it is to die for.

Ooh. Oops!
I forgot my bag.

[Chessy]
Hey, hang on. Sammy!

- [Barking]
- Sammy!

- Sammy.
- Excuse me. Did you find
a beige... Thank you.

- Sammy.
- Excuse me. Did you find
a beige... Thank you.

- Oop!
- Mom!

Darling, you didn't have to wait for me.
I could have found the room by myself.

Besides, I need to get
a little fresh air.

Go on, sweetie.
I'll meet you up "thairs."

I like that jacket, by the way.
Were you wearing that the whole
time we were on the plane?

- Mom, watch out!
- Sorry.

She's drunk. She's never had more
than one glass of wine...

in her entire life, and she chooses
today to show up totally Zonked.

Yeah, well, just do
what the woman says...

and meet her up "thairs."

Maybe that's why they make
"do not disturb" signs.

[Elevator Bell Dings]

[Giggling]
Alone at last.

Hallie Parker.

Oh. Don't do this to me.
I'm already seeing double.

It's me, Mom,
Annie.

Oh, darling.

You look wonderful.

Oh, my girls.

I can't believe
you're together.

- But how could you do this to me?
- [Clearing Throat]

Excuse me.
I hate to interrupt but...

might I suggest that
we continue...

this little powwow inside?

Hi. You probably
don't remember me.

Chessy!

I knew I always
liked her.

One of you, I'm not sure
which one at the moment...

but one of you told me your father knew
I was arriving here today.

And I'm here to tell you
the man I just saw in the elevator...

had absolutely no idea he and I
were on the same planet,
let alone in the same hotel.

- You saw Dad already?
- Yes, I did.

Oh! The man went
completely ashen like I was...

the bloody ghost
of Christmas past.

Can one of you
get something cold for my head?

I mean, don't you think I pondered
what it was going to be like to see...

your father after
all these years?

Well, let me tell you.
Me waving like a mindless idiot...

while Nick Parker's wrapped around
another woman's arms...

is not exactly the scenario
I had in mind.

- No, sirree.
- ** [Whistling]

[Gasps]
Martin! What are you doing?

- Going for a dip, madam. Do you mind?
- [Giggles]

Uh? No, no. No, that's...
that's perfectly perfect. Have fun.

- Someone ought to.
- Hello.

Hello. Hello to you.

- Chessy, this is our butler Martin.
- How do you do?

I'm her butler.

[Speaking French]

Gee! The pleasure
is all mine, monsieur.

Girls, you were going
to tell me why you lied...

- and brought me here
without telling your father.
- [Chessy] Were they?

Okay, that's good. Uh, well,
then I'm just gonna go back
to my room and check out...

- the old mini-bar situation.
- Allow me to assist you.

Wait! Does everyone here
know something I don't know?

Mom. Daddy's
getting married.

To Cruella de vil.
She's awful, Mom.

- We can't let him go through with it.
- She's all wrong for him, Mom.

And the only way he won't marry her
is if... You tell her.

She knows you better.

- Is if he sees you again.
- Wait a minute!

You're not trying
to set me up with your father?

[Hallie] Actually, we are.
You're perfect for each other.

Hold it.
You two knew about this?

What? Oh, no.

- No! Madam, no. Absolutely no idea.
- No, no, no, no. I had no idea.

- Yes. I did know something.
- Yes. Technically, yes.
I had an inkling anyway.

- Hallie told me the story.
- It's their idea. It's so sweet.

- I'm an old romantic,
you know. You know me.
- So am I.

Okay, okay.
Let me say this...

Ioud and clear.

Nick Parker and I have absolutely
nothing in common... anymore.

Plus, in case
you haven't noticed...

he seems extremely content
with his leggy, tight-skirted,
bare-backed fiancEe.

And I want the two of you
to explain to your father that
I am here for one purpose only.

And that is to switch
the two of you back.

Now, let's do what we have to do
and be done with it. Understood?

- Hey, Dad. What's up?
- Hi. Just running down
to the lobby. Hey, hal!

- Huh?
- Do me a favor,
will you, while I'm gone.

- Will you just look
after Meredith for me?
- Mm-hmm.

- Huh? Thanks. Hallie, hallie.
- Yeah?

How do I look?
Like presentable and everything?

- Not too old?
- You look fab, Dad. Young and fab.

[Elevator Bell Dings]

- Dad.
- I thought you were going
to keep Meredith company.

- I was?
- Yeah.

I mean, I am, yeah. I was
just looking for her, actually.

Great to see you,
Dad.

It's great
to see you too, sQuirt.

- Nice outfit.
- Oh. Thanks.

Well, go on.
Get up there. Come on.

* Let's get together
Yeah, yeah, yeah *

- * Why don't you and I combine *
- [Elevator Bell Dings]

* Let's get together
What do you say **

- have you seen your father?
- You talkin' to me?

What are you? Robert De Niro?
Yes, I am talking to you.

Oh, Meredith.

- Uh, yeah. I just saw him.
- Well, hello! Where was he?

Uh, he went that-a-way.
I think.

[Sighs]

[Smacks Lips]

- What are you staring at?
- Oh, nothing, nothing.

You're just really very pretty.
That's all.

Oh. Don't tell me you're gonna
break your rotten streak...

and suddenly
be nice to me?

If you see your father,
tell him he's late and I'm waiting.

Whatever you say,
Cruella.

Here you go. This will cure
anything you've got.

- Just don't ask what's in it.
- Okay.

Here's to...
here's to you.

May your life be
far less complicated than mine.

Thank you.

Ugh.

- Martini, dry, please.
- [Burps]

I beg your pardon.
L...

I think I just drank tar.

Here's your martini
and your bill, Ms. James.

Thank you.

- You're EliZabeth james?
- Guilty.

Ah! I just saw a wedding dress
you designed in vogue and fell
completely in love with it.

I faxed your office just yesterday
and they said you were out of town...

and didn't know
if you could make another.

- [Gasps] I can't believe it.
It's fate. I'm Meredith Blake.
- How do you do?

[Seagulls SQuawking]

Sorry.

- Excuse me.
- Excuse me.

Where have you been?
We've been looking all over for you.

Nicholas, I think this hotel
is perfect for the wedding.

- The more I see of it,
the more I like it.
- Me too.

Absolutely.

Now, tell me, dear. How many are we
expecting from your side of the family?

Just a guestimate.

Can I get back to you on that?
I'm... I'm not sure at the moment.

Excuse me.

Pardon me. Sorry.

- Oh, boss, are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

- Uh, sir? Oh!
- Dad, watch out!

- Oh!
- Oh, careful!
- [Nick groans]

- [Gasps]
- [Gasps]
- [Shutter Clicks]

[Chuckles]

[Groaning]

- Hello, LiZ.
- Hello, Nick.

Well, gosh. There you are.
What do you know?

Uh... is there something going on here
that I should know about...

because I'm stunned
to see you.

But, uh, you don't seem
as stunned to see me.

I mean, I haven't seen or heard
from you in what... ten, eleven years?

- All of a sudden on the very day that...
- Dad...

- I can explain why she's here.
- Hallie. You know who this is?

Actually, yes.

And actually,
I'm not hallie.

Actually,
I am.

Both of them?

Annie? Hallie?

I guess you and Mom kind of think alike
'cause you both sent us...

to the same camp
and we met there.

And the whole thing
just sort of spilled out.

They switched
places on us, Nick.

You mean I've had Annie
with me all this time?

Well, I wanted to know what you were
like, and hallie wanted to know Mom.

And...
are you angry?

Oh, honey.
Of course not.

I just can't believe
it's you.

Last time I saw you, you had diaper
rash. Oh, sQuirt, you're all wet.

- [Chuckling] It's all right.
- Look at you.

Well, I'm grown up now
and Quite without a father.

And I'm headed into my craZy,
mixed-up teenage years...

and I'll be the only girl I know
without a mother to fight with.

Hallie, you've been in London
all this time?

Come here,
sQuirt.

Mom's amaZing, Dad.
I don't know how you ever let her go.

Girls, why... why don't you let
your father and I...

talk alone for a couple
of minutes, okay?

- Sure. Fine.
- Take your time.

I don't
believe this.

Seeing them
together.

- And seeing you. Ow!
- Ooh! Let me help you with that.

- Oh, excuse me.
Do you have a first aid kit?
- Yeah, of course.

Why don't you
lie down?

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

So, how are you,
LiZZy?

Or does everyone
call you EliZabeth now?

Oh, no, no. LiZZy's-LiZZy's fine.
[Chuckles]

My dad still calls
me LiZZy.

- Yeah. I've been, uh, been terrific.
- Yeah.

You know, you haven't
changed a bit.

Finally.
There you are.

Oh! Uh... oh, good. You've met.
Honey, EliZabeth designs...

wedding gowns
and she's going to make my...

Wait, um...
l... I don't understand.

How did you two meet?
And Nicky, why are you all wet?

You're making my fiancEe's
wedding gown.

Well, I-I didn't know
she was your fiancEe.

Well, how did we meet?
How did you two meet?

- Am I missing something here?
- [Nick] You know what?

- This is one small world.
- Um, how small?

- Hi, Mer.
- Hello.

- How ya doin'?
- [Yelping] Oh! Oh! Oh!

Honey, did I ever mention to you
that hallie was a twin?

No. I'm afraid you forgot
that little detail.

Don't feel bad, Mer.
He never mentioned it to me either.

By the way, I'm the real hallie.
This is Annie.

She was pretending to be me
while I was pretending to be her.

And this is our mother,
EliZabeth james.

This is your mother?

- Yes.
- Yes.
- You were married to him?

- Yeah.
- Guilty again.

Oh, well.
This is a small world.

- And getting smaller.
- And what a coincidence...

that we're all here
on the exact same weekend.

My, my, my.
How sweet.

[Chuckles]

Hal, I've had enough surprises
for one day.

Will you please just tell me
where we're going?

You're gonna love it, Dad.
Trust me.

Hello.

Hey.

[Whispering] So, uh... do you have
any idea where they're taking us?

- Not a clue.
- Right.

Where are we?

This is where
we're eating?

No. Actually,
that's where we're eating.

[Annie]
It's ours for the night.

[Nick] Wow! So, how exactly
are we paying for this?

- Well, we pooled our allowances.
- Yeah. Right, Annie.

Okay.
Grandfather chipped in a bit.

- Annie.
- Okay. He chipped in a lot.

- Come on. You guys are gonna love it.
- Pretty snaZZy.

EliZabeth and Nick,
your dinner awaits you.

Girls.

The table
is only set for two.

Oh, that's the other part
of the surprise.

- We're not joining you.
- [Laughs] You're not?

No, but I am.

Good evening. I'm Chessy, and I'll be
your server this evening.

- No wisecracks, please.
- And I'm Martin your sommelier.

May I offer you both
a taste of the bubbly...

in the hope that
you get a bit shnockered...

and not fire this lovely lady
and myself...

for following the orders
of these audacious 11-year-olds.

Annie, mood music,
please.

[Clicks]

**

- [Clicks]
- * I love you *

[Annie]
Just relax.

- * For sentimental reasons *
- Sail though time back to yesteryear.

* I hope you do believe me *

You do get all this,
don't you?

- Yes, I'm beginning to.
- * I'll give you my heart *

- They're recreating the night
we met... the boat, the music...
- * I love you *

- The help.
- It's so sweet.

- Martin, I think I'll take that drink.
- ** [Continues, Indistinct]

Thank you, Martin.

- [Martin Mutters]
- Oh! Yeah.

- * And say we'll never part *
- [Nick] To tell you the truth...

- I haven't been on a boat
since the Q.E. 2.
- Neither have I.

Hmm? Well, then,
here's to, uh...

Our daughters.

- Our daughters.
- [Clinking]

- * Darling, I'm never lonely *
- [Both gasp]

- Now I know how a goldfish feels.
- Ugh!

You know, sometime
if we're ever really alone...

maybe we could...
talk about...

what happened
between us.

It all feels a bit haZy to me now.
It ended so fast.

It started so fast.

Well, that part
I remember perfectly.

[Both Laughing]

- * I've given you my heart **
- It looks like things
are heating up Quite nicely.

I'd say it's safe to serve
the vichyssoise.

You ladle,
I'll serve.

I'm sorry.

Yes, I'll...
uh, ladle.

Right.
And then I'll...

- Serve?
- Right.

Right.

[EliZabeth] So... you've done
fantastically well. Um...

your dream of owning your own vineyard
actually came true.

Mm-hmm. What about you?
You were always drawing...

on napkins
and corners of newspapers.

- Now you're this major designer.
- Yeah, it's great.

We both actually got
where we wanted to go.

Yeah, we did.

Anyway, what are we going to do
about the girls?

Well, now that they met,
we can't very well keep them apart.

Well, I could keep them for half of
the year, and then you could keep them.

- Well...
- guys. They can't go to two
different schools every year.

- That's nuts.
- I agree.

Well, then, I could keep them both for
a whole year, and you could keep them...

- LiZ.
- Hmm. Mm-mm.

- That's why we came up with...
- Mm-hmm.

- [Clears Throat]
- Oh, g... Sorry. Ignore me.
Enjoy your soup.

That's why we came up
with the solution that we have.

Really?
I thought it was because...

we decided never to see
each other again.

Not we, LiZ.

Well, you know, that part's become a bit
haZy to me, too, over the years.

- You don't remember the day you packed?
- No, that day I remember perfectly.

Did I hurt you when
I threw that, um...

- What was it? Uh, uh...
- It was... a hair dryer.

- Oh, right. [Laughs] Sorry.
- [Laughs]

You know, I may never
be alone with you again.

So, about that day that you packed...
Why'd you do it?

Oh, Nick.
We were so young...

and we both had tempers.

We said stupid things
and so I packed.

Got on
my very first 747...

and... you didn't
come after me.

I didn't know that
you wanted me to.

Well, it doesn't
really matter anymore.

So, let's just
put a good face on...

for the girls and get the show
on the road, huh?

Yeah, sure.
Let's...

get the show
on the road.

Your passport, Ms. James.
Have a safe trip home.

- Thank you.
- [Telephone Ringing]

- All set then. Where's Annie?
- I just rang up. She's on her way down.

Right.

So, I'll send hallie
back to you over Christmas.

- And Annie will spend Easter with you.
- Mm-hmm.

[Elevator Bell Dings]

Honey, what are you doing in those
clothes? We've got a plane to catch.

Here's the deal, Mom. We
thought it over, and we decided
we're being totally gypped.

Dad promised we'd go on our camping
trip. And we want to go... together.

What camping trip?

The one we go on every summer
before school starts.

Annie, this is ridiculous.
Go upstairs and put your clothes on.

- Are you sure I'm Annie?
- Well, of course, I'm sure.

But, it's kind of hard
to be 100%% % positive, isn't it?

Girls, this is totally unfunny.
You're gonna make your mother
miss her airplane.

- Annie!
- [Both] Yes!

This one's hallie.
I'm positive.

You know, I hope
you're right, Dad.

Because you wouldn't want to send the
wrong kid all the way back to England.

Would you?

Here's our proposition.
[Clears Throat]

We go back to Dad's house,
pack our stuff...

and the four of us leave
on the camping trip.

- The four of us?
- And when you bring us back...

- we'll tell you who's Annie
and who's hallie.
- Or you do as we say...

and I take one of you back with me
to London whether you like it or not.

And what am I supposed to do
for three days? Sit home and knit?

Honey, we have kind of
a sticky situation.

- Sticky situation? What do you mean,
"sticky situation"? What exactly...
- hmm-hmm.

Excuse me.
What is she doing here?

You see, that's part of the deal.
The four of us...

we... go together.

- What are you suddenly,
the Brady Bunch? This is ridic...
- hello.

- [Clears Throat]
- Everything all right?

Well, no.
Actually it isn't.

I didn't realiZe that you were going
on this little outing.

- And to tell you the truth,
I'm not so sure that I'm okay with it.
- I agree.

[EliZabeth] I think the ex-wife in
the next sleeping bag is a little weird.

- Thank you.
- I absolutely insist that
you come with us. Really.

[Chuckles]
LiZ...

No, honestly, Nick.
I've messed up your entire weekend.

It's the least I can do.
Really, please.

Dad, what's Meredith
doing here?

- Your mother invited her.
- What?

Be nice.

- Okay. All set? Have fun, everyone.
- What?

LiZ, what are
you doing?

Well, I really think that
you and Meredith need some time
alone before the big day.

Mom, come on!
That's not the plan.

Ah, honestly, you'll have
much more fun without me.

Wait, wait. If you're not going,
I certainly don't have to go.

I mean, trust me,
I'm not a big nature girl.

But this is your chance
to really get to know the girls.

I mean, after all,
starting next week, they're...

they're half yours.

Have fun, all of you!

Bye-bye!

Oh, I would pay big money
to see that woman climb a mountain.

[All Chattering, Indistinct]

- [Laughs, SQueals]
- Whoa!

- Come on, you guys.
- Whoa! Oh!

[Laughing]

[Grunting]

Oh, I'm gonna
kill my trainer.

He says I'm in such great shape. I can't
believe people actually do this for fun.

Hold on.
We're stopping.

Again? Dad, at this rate,
it'll take us...

three days just
to get to the lake.

Meredith isn't used to the altitude.
Just chill, okay?

[Meredith]
Ooh.

Ah, I'm in serious pain.

Somebody hand me my Evian.
I can't move.

Sure.

Brilliant.

- [Snickers]
- Here you go, Mer.

[Screaming]

Honey, you okay?
What happened?

This little guy was
on her Evian bottle.

Oh, he won't hurt you,
Meredith.

Oh, right, right, right.
Right. I know.

You, uh, go ahead.

I'll be fine.
[Screams]

Get that thing away from me.
I hate things that crawl.

Aagh! How can you touch that?
Just put it down.

Okay. Okay.
I'll put it down.

- [Nick] girls?
- What?
- What?

I'm going to take the lead.
The two of you help Meredith. All right?

Sure, you'll help me.

Right over a cliff,
you'll help me.

- Not a bad idea.
- Yeah. See any cliffs?

- Aah, my backpack.
- Need a hand, Mer?

Not from you, thank you.
Don't think I can't see
right past those angelic faces.

One more trick from you two,
and I promise...

I will make your lives miserable
from the day I say "I do."

Got it?

Got it, Cruella.

What did you call me?

[Hallie] Nothing, nothing.
Not a thing, Cruella.

Oh, by the way, Mer, I think there's
something on your head. [Laughing]

[Screams]

- [Coughing]
- Are you all right?

- Aah! [Whining]
- What... happened?

[Gasping]
Ask... them.

What did we do, Dad?
We were right behind you.

[Hallie, Annie Chattering,
Indistinct]

Here we go, girls.
This will hold us for a while.

** [Pop, Indistinct]

Sure you don't want
some trout, Mom?

Is that okay, by the way,
if we start calling you mom?

I think your mother would prefer
if you called me Meredith.

And no thank you. I do not eat...
trout... for the thousandth time.

I will wait
until breakfast.

- What are we having?
- [Together] Trout.

- [Sighs]
- Come on. It's part of the experience.

Mmm. And what's the other part?
Being eaten to death by mosQuitoes?

God, you'd think
they actually like this stuff.

Well, what's that you're using?
Let me see that.

Well, you're gonna attract every
mosQuito in the state with this stuff.

It's sugar and water.
Where'd you get it?

That's it. I am taking one
large sleeping pill...

and going to bed.

[Clacking]

Meredith,
what are you doing?

- I don't want
the mountain lions to...
- [Both Snickering]

There are no mountain lions
up here, are there?

No.

[Sticks Banging]

- [Sighing]
- [Sighing]

Good night.

Girls, I'm telling you.
Lay off.

This isn't her thing, okay? I'm not
marrying her because she's Annie Oakley.

Who's Annie Oakley?

Just cool it.

- [Animal howling]
- [Crickets Chirping]

- [Owl hooting]
- [Whispering] Come on. Come on.

Okay.

[Hallie] I hope that
one large sleeping pill worked.

[Annie Snickering]

[Snoring]

- [Hallie Snickering]
You take that side.
- [Annie] All right.

- Gosh, she's heavy.
- She's also like... snoring.

[Both Snickering,
grunting]

[Gasps]

Nicky?

- [Laughing]
- [Laughing]

[Soft Moaning]

[Grunting]

[Both Snickering]

- Sweet dreams, Mommie Dearest.
- [Laughing]

[Bird Chirping]

Mmm.
That feels nice.

[Screaming]

[Echoing]
Nicky!

[Screaming Continues]

Oh, man.

Ooh!

Ugh!

Ugh! Ugh!

- What's goin' on?
- Here's what's going on, buddy!

The day we get married is the day I
ship those brats off to SwitZerland.

Get the picture?
It's me or them. Take your pick.

- Them.
- [AmaZed Sigh]

- Excuse me?
- T-h-E-M, them.

Get the picture?

[Screaming]

- [Horn honking]
- [Sammy Barking]

Hello.
You're back so soon.

- Did you have fun?
- Well, I wouldn't go right to fun.

- You wouldn't?
- We've been punished
to the end of the century.

- Starting now. Go!
- Where's Meredith?

- We played a couple
of harmless tricks on her
and she kind of freaked out a little.
- Hmm.

A little? Hmm.

She threw this
at my head.

At least it's smaller
than a hair dryer.

Oh, Nick, it's all my fault.
If I hadn't suggested she go...

Or tricked!
Tricked would be more like it.

Like mother,
like daughters.

I-I really am sorry.

- We are too, Dad.
- Really. Yeah.

Up to your room...
now.

I gotta remember
to thank them one day.

So, where's Chessy?
I'm starving.

Well, she and Martin went off
on a picnic around noon... yesterday.

[Southern Accent] Really! Who would
have thought... my nanny, your butler!

- Hmm.
- [Laughing]

Well, what do you say
I whip us up something to eat?

- You can cook now?
- Oh, yeah. I can, uh,
make pasta and pasta and, uh...

- Mmm, pasta sounds good.
- Well, pasta it is.

[Annie]
Okay, I'll take two.

- Hey, Dad!
- Wow! You look so nice!

- [Hallie] Where are you going?
- Good night, ladies.

[Sighs]

- Oh, wow!
- This is where I keep my private stash.

Did you know
I also collect wine?

- Really?
- Mm-hmm. I'm a man of limited interest.
Come here.

This...
is a 1921 Burgundy.

- They say the rain that year made
this the best Burgundy ever harvested.
- Oh.

Now, you will appreciate this.
Come here.

Look.

"Vj day, 1945."

- That's incredible.
- I love that.

Now, this is the same wine
that was served at my parents' wedding.

- A Bordeaux... '52.
- Aww.

I think my sister
was conceived on this baby.

What's this one?
"Where dreams have no end...

- 1983."
- That one actually
took me years to track down.

Why?
Where's it from?

It's the wine that we drank
at our wedding.

I now have every bottle
ever made.

You do.

I do.

- Can we open one?
- You're the only one I'd drink it with.

- You okay?
- Oh, yeah. I just got
a little dust in my eye.

Hmm? I can offer you
a clean sleeve.

No, no. I'm fine really.
All better.

You don't always have to be
so brave, you know.

Oh, but I do actually.

[Vehicle Approaching]

[Whispering]
That will be Chessy.

She has a key.

[Door Opens, Closes]

[Chessy]
Hello. Anybody home?

We'll be right up.

* Oh *

* Every time *

* We say good-bye *

* I die a little *

- * Every time *
- [Sighs]

* We say good-bye *

* I wonder why *

* A little *

* Why the gods *

* Above me *

* Who must be in the know *

* Think so little of me *

- Take care of yourself.
- Yeah, I will. You too.

* They allow you to go *

* And when you're near *

* There sits an air *

- I love you.
- I love you too.

* Of spring about it *

* I can hear *

- * A lark somewhere *
- [Thunder Rumbling]

* Begin to sing *

* About it *

* There's no love *

* So finer *

* But how strange
the change *

* You made *

* Your mind up *

* Every time *

* We say good-bye **

[Sighs]

Hello.
We're home.

- Grandfather?
- I'll check the study.

Hey, stranger.

Hey, Mom, did you know the Concord
gets you here in half the time?

Yes, I-I've heard that.

Huh!
What are you doing here?

It took us around 30 seconds
after you guys left...

for us to realiZe we didn't
want to lose you two again.

We?

We.

[Gasps]

I made the mistake of not
coming after you once, LiZZy.

I'm not going to do that again
no matter how brave you are.

And I suppose you just expect
me to go weak at the knees...

and fall into your arms
and cry hysterically...

and say we'll just figure
this whole thing out...
a bicontinental relationship...

with our daughters
being raised here an-and there and...

and you and I just... picking up
where we left off, and...

and growing old
together and...

and...
[Sighs]

Come on, Nick.
What do you expect?

- To live happily ever after?
- Yes...

to all the above.

Except you don't
have to cry hysterically.

Oh, yes, I do.

[Sighs]

We actually did it.
[SQueals]

* This will be
an everlasting love *

* This will be
the one I've waited for *

* This will be
the first time *

* Anyone has loved me *

* I'm so glad
you found me in time *

* And I'm so glad that
you rectified my mind *

* This will be
an everlasting love *

* For me
Yeah, whoa-oa *

* Because you've shown me
just how much you care *

* You've given me
the thrill of a lifetime *

* And made me believe you've got
more thrills to spare, oh *

* This will be
an everlasting love *

* Oh, yes, it will now *

* You've brought a lot
of sunshine into my life *

* You've filled me
with happiness I never knew *

* You gave me more joy
than I ever dreamed of *

* And no one, no one
can take the place of you *

* This will be you and me *

* Yes, sirree, eternally *

* hugging and sQueeZing
and kissing and pleasing *

* Together forever
Through rain and whatever *

* Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You and me *

* So long as I'm living
true love I'll be giving *

* To you I'll be serving
'cause you're so deserving *

* hey, you're so deserving *

* From now on
From now on, yeah *

* From now on
From now on *

* From now on **

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